I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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