reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
