Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I party with great urgency now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
