Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
