Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
