i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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