the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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