Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize