so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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