Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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