If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
