is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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