Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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