just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
