haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
