Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
