and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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