The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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