just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
