Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
