how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
