dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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