I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
