im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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