You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Sorry my hands just texted you
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
