I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
