no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We left an ass print on the piano.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
