Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Randomize
