Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
