The maid of honor just puked.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize