well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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