he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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