Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize