if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
