dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
