forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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