On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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