Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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