I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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