That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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