What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
