When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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