Whod you bang
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
