She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's never too late to be topless.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
