he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
