Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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