guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
