Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
