how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
