i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
