Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
