I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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