my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
