I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
