I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We are all done wearing pants today
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
