Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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