Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
