I think I died a long time ago.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
