dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
