Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
