Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
