i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
